I feel like I have posted this here before, probably several years ago. I would have to go back and look into my somewhat extensive archives. But here goes again anyway: I need to lose weight. Not necessarily so I look “good” or “better”, but because it would be beneficial to my overall health if I did. Since the end of 2015 (the time of separation from my ex husband) I have fluctuated up and down by 20 pounds. Initially I lost 10 pounds because I was not eating. And then, once I was better mentally (and eating again), I gained those pounds back plus 10 more. Not to mention, I fell in love again and well, we all know sometimes that is not the best thing for our waistline, even though it’s good for other parts of our body (hee hee).
Here’s the thing: I have basically NO will power anymore. I cannot say “no” to any sweet thing and I like a “midnight” (10 p.m.) snack. Also, I have essentially no time for formal exercise. I walk the dog a few times a week, usually at night, after dinner and once the kids are fairly settled. Some nights I am quite tired once all that happens and I just say “forget it” (or something else that starts with an “f”). So those are my excuses. And I am FULL of them. Just like I am full of cheesy popcorn, sun chips and soon pie…
But here’s the other thing: Besides trying to be better for my overall health, I do not hate my body. I used to. Oh yes, I did. But part of the reason I did was because I was in a relationship where I felt like it was never good enough. And I do not put that all on him. I did it to myself too, and I know it now, after much personal reflection. I know I constantly compared myself to other women, both my age and even some much younger (ridiculous!). I know I spent too much time and effort worrying about the way I looked in the mirror and concentrated too much on the size of my jeans.
Thankfully, now I am in a much healthier relationship, both with myself and my significant other. Brandon loves me just the way I am and he tells me so while he also shows me. His actions go a long way to prove how my weight is not nearly as important to him as my heart. This is wonderful, but unfortunately it also it also gives me another excuse not to change!
However, all the love for me doesn’t stop me from making comparisons to 8 years ago…
So… can I like (even love) my body and still be healthier? Of course! I already eat pretty well during the week. It’s the weekends that get me. And the wine. And the brownies. And the eating out. Therefore, I have committed to being healthier and joined Weight Watchers. No, this is not an ad or an affiliated post. I am paying $3.07/week so that I can track my eating, exercising and if nothing else, lose a few pounds and feel somewhat better about myself. Who knows what else I can accomplish… maybe a 5K in February again… Plus this way I can still have the occasional sweet and even a piece of whole grain toast in the morning why is bread so good.
I am thankful I am generally in a healthier place when it comes to my body and I am still proud of what it can do. I just hope to stick around for a long while, have more energy and simply feel better overall.
Wish me luck (and will power)!
